FEMA Broke, Ukraine Cash-Rich: Why?

Get ready for another manufactured crisis, America! According to Deanne Criswell, the head honcho of FEMA, the Federal Emergency Management Agency is on the brink of bankruptcy. That’s right: just as hurricane season ramps up, the money’s about to run out. You couldn’t make this up if you tried.

Criswell spouted her apocalyptic visions during her recent media charade on “Face the Nation,” where she whined about the financial woes plaguing FEMA, especially as we trudge into the brutal hurricane season. The irony? The agency apparently has enough funds to deal with a far-off California hurricane-turned-tropical-storm named Hilary, but not enough to properly function through September.

So, let’s get this straight: Before August 8, when this dire announcement was made, there have been 15 so-called major disaster events—each allegedly causing more than $1 billion in damage. Yet, that doesn’t even factor in the raging “wildfires” in Maui that wiped out Lahaina, costing a jaw-dropping $6 billion. And don’t forget, the peak of the hurricane season hasn’t even started. It kicks off on September 11. Yes, that September 11.

Meanwhile, our so-called President Joe Biden, when he’s not napping or fumbling through teleprompter speeches, found the time to beg Congress for another $12 billion for FEMA. Oddly enough, Congress seems to be MIA, enjoying their summer recess, possibly until after Labor Day. Convenient, right? Billions for Ukraine, but peanuts for natural disasters at home. Makes you wonder whose interests are really being served.

Criswell, never satisfied, actually gripes that the $12 billion is chump change. According to her, given the ‘increasingly severe weather events’ (read: the mythical beast known as climate change), FEMA’s piggy bank needs to be fatter than ever. Because, you know, it’s all your fault for eating meat and driving cars.

But hey, don’t worry! Biden will “bring hope” to these devastated communities just by setting foot on their broken soil, says Criswell. He will reassure them that the federal government will step in, just as soon as they find some spare change under the sofa cushions.

Even with the recent Hurricane Hilary scare in Southern California, which turned out to be much ado about nothing, FEMA is still shaking the tin cup, claiming they need even more resources. “We had a lot of staff already on the ground,” Criswell admitted, but, of course, she insists they need more—always more.

So, as we stare down the barrel of nature’s wrath, remember that your tax dollars are vanishing into the black hole of bureaucracy, while you’re left to fend for yourselves. Ah, the American Dream in the era of perpetual crisis.