Cash-strapped NYC criminals take ATM theft to new heights, swiping $40,000 in brazen 49-store crime spree
In a city where even ice cream needs to be locked up, a gang of masked robbers has managed to outdo themselves, turning New York City into their personal ATM playground. These skilled criminals have orchestrated a string of 49 heists across Manhattan, the Bronx, Brooklyn, and Queens, making off with a cool $40,000 and leaving law enforcement scratching their heads. As the Big Apple grapples with a surge in shoplifting and a dwindling police force, these modern-day bank robbers are giving new meaning to the phrase “cash withdrawal.”
The Great ATM Heist: NYC’s Latest Criminal Trend
Just when you thought the crime situation in New York City couldn’t get any more ridiculous, along comes a trio of masked bandits who’ve decided that robbing individual stores is for amateurs. No, these enterprising criminals have set their sights on a bigger prize: the ATMs themselves. Between September 19 and December 26, these modern-day Robin Hoods (minus the whole “giving to the poor” part) hit up 49 stores across the city, proving that in the Big Apple, crime really does pay – to the tune of $40,000.
But wait, it gets better. These aren’t your run-of-the-mill smash-and-grab artists. Oh no, these guys have style. They’re using stolen cars for their getaways, because apparently, in Mayor Adams’ New York, even the getaway vehicles are hot property. It’s like watching a low-budget heist movie, only instead of Ocean’s Eleven, we’ve got the Bodega Bandits.
NYC group robbed 49 stores all over city, stole ATMs, cash: police https://t.co/ATbeR0ahWZ
— Fox News (@FoxNews) January 5, 2025
A City Under Siege: From Ice Cream to ATMs
Now, you might be thinking, “Surely, this is just a blip on the radar of New York City’s crime statistics.” Oh, you sweet summer child. Let me paint you a picture of the dystopian hellscape that is current-day NYC. We’re talking about a city where supermarkets have to bolt down plastic lids to protect ice cream from theft. Ice cream, folks! The frozen treat that’s supposed to bring joy is now treated like Fort Knox gold.
“Robbers have targeted 49 New York City stores to steal ATM machines and get their hands on mountains of cash.” – Police
But why stop at ice cream when you can have the whole ATM? Our enterprising trio of thieves certainly didn’t. They managed to swipe nearly $40,000 from ATMs in just two instances in September. And that’s just what we know about. The total amount stolen from all 49 hits? Your guess is as good as mine, but I’m betting it’s enough to make even the most hardened Wall Street banker blush.
The NYPD’s Most Unwanted: A Comedy of Errors
Now, you’d think with all this criminal activity, the NYPD would be all over it like white on rice. But here’s the kicker: these masked marauders are still at large. That’s right, folks. Despite being caught on more cameras than a Kardashian selfie session, including a particularly brazen ATM tampering in Jackson Heights on December 23, our three musketeers of mayhem are still out there, probably planning their next big score.
A three-member, store-robbing gang has reportedly stolen many New York City ATMs, making off with tens of thousands in cash from 49 locations in three months, police say. https://t.co/FUVuzRzGCD
— NEWSMAX (@NEWSMAX) January 5, 2025
The police, in their infinite wisdom, have decided to crowdsource their detective work. They’re asking the public to help identify the suspects. Because nothing says “effective law enforcement” like turning the city into one giant game of “Guess Who?” I can see the wanted posters now: “Have you seen these men? Last spotted carrying an ATM down Broadway. Approach with caution, they may try to dispense cash at you.”
The Punchline: NYC’s Crime Wave Keeps on Rolling
As if this ATM saga wasn’t enough of a farce, let’s not forget the bigger picture. New York City has seen a five percent increase in shoplifting incidents. Five percent might not sound like much, but when you’re talking about a city where people are already stealing ice cream, it’s like adding gasoline to a dumpster fire. And with the ongoing struggles in police recruitment, it’s starting to feel like the only people signing up for law enforcement are the criminals themselves.
So, there you have it, folks. New York City, once the proud Big Apple, now reduced to a city where ATMs are treated like grab-and-go items, ice cream needs armed guards, and the police are reduced to playing “Where’s Waldo?” with masked robbers. It’s enough to make you wonder if the Statue of Liberty is considering swimming back to France. But hey, at least the tourists are getting a real New York experience – complete with the thrilling possibility of witnessing a live ATM heist. Just another day in the city that never sleeps… because it’s too busy watching its ATMs.
